i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
