so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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