we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
