HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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