I am in a vortex of obligation.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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