Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
