I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
