new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
