also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
