Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize