My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
