No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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