I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
