I have demons in me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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