You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
