we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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