dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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