I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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