I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
