so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
