one might say we're banned from that church
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
