apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize