You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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