Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
