I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize