matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
