life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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