her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
