Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
