next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize