I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
