Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
