We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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