Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
