not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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