you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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