I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
