Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
