please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
