Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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