There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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