420 ftw
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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