How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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