i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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