Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
