Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize