ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
