Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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