Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't turn off my feet"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize