the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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