giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize