so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
