Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You made out with two different species that night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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