Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
