The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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