even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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