Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
