o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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