I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
