Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
