I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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