ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
