Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
