My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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