I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
