Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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