11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Blood and glitter go together right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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