The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
