apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
