Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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