okay pat passed out under dana's car
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
