Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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